It's 1 am and I need to vent

I am tired.
Tired of thinking about everything we lost.
Tired of wondering if we will get there again.
Tired of school.
Tired of people saying it could be worse (even though I know it could.)
Tired of never having enough money.
Tired of comparing myself and our situation to others who have it much better right now.
Tired of being jealous.
Tired of being tired.
But NEVER tired of loving these two faces more than I can even begin to explain....

They make everything okay.

I should probably elaborate a little bit

I have been told getting it out is a good thing to do. I miscarried what was to be my second baby in January. I thought I was 11 and a half weeks along but when the midwife couldn't get a heartbeat she had me go for an ultrasound and we found out the baby had passed away at 9 weeks but my body was holding on to the baby. The midwife wouldn't do a D & C so I had to use these pills that basically make you dilate and pass the baby, it was horrible. I didn't go through labor with Lexxie because I had a c-section due to my heart problem, so I had no idea how bad it was going to hurt psychically. The emotional pain ran much deeper though. I was so excited to be pregnant, to have a sibling for Lexx and we wanted our baby. I am still so sad, hurt and mad. This should not have happened, it just shouldn't have. I saw the baby on two different occasions on the ultrasound and everything was fine. Just the other day would have been my babies due date and it was really hard, I had plans, hopes and dreams for the baby and none of it will happen. I just want to know at what point will I start feeling better? Of course the pain has dulled a bit but there are constant reminders...pregnant women, newborn babies, etc. It just hurts so bad still.
I am so thankful for Lexxie, she truely is my heart and soul. I don't know what I would do without my sweet girl.