Thursday, July 30, 2009

I should probably elaborate a little bit

I have been told getting it out is a good thing to do. I miscarried what was to be my second baby in January. I thought I was 11 and a half weeks along but when the midwife couldn't get a heartbeat she had me go for an ultrasound and we found out the baby had passed away at 9 weeks but my body was holding on to the baby. The midwife wouldn't do a D & C so I had to use these pills that basically make you dilate and pass the baby, it was horrible. I didn't go through labor with Lexxie because I had a c-section due to my heart problem, so I had no idea how bad it was going to hurt psychically. The emotional pain ran much deeper though. I was so excited to be pregnant, to have a sibling for Lexx and we wanted our baby. I am still so sad, hurt and mad. This should not have happened, it just shouldn't have. I saw the baby on two different occasions on the ultrasound and everything was fine. Just the other day would have been my babies due date and it was really hard, I had plans, hopes and dreams for the baby and none of it will happen. I just want to know at what point will I start feeling better? Of course the pain has dulled a bit but there are constant reminders...pregnant women, newborn babies, etc. It just hurts so bad still.
I am so thankful for Lexxie, she truely is my heart and soul. I don't know what I would do without my sweet girl.


  1. I forgot how similar the details of our losses are. I understand a whole lot of what you're feeling right now. I think that healing is something that comes with time at different points for everyone, but those reminders will probably always get to us even if we have more children down the road. Those who haven't gone through this don't realize that it's not just an unfortunate event that happens and you get over, but it's now a part of who we are as people and we have to wake up every day and try to let go again.

    Big hugs!

  2. I am so sorry. I had a misscarriage between my first and second daughter. I was 7 weeks pregnant and started having problems so we went to the emergency room where they did an ultrasound and we saw the baby and the little heartbeat and everything looked fine. Two hours later I was in the worst pain of my life and lost the baby. My heart still aches for that baby I lost. Hugs to you and I am happy to see those two beautiful little babies that you have now. :)