Thursday, July 30, 2009

I should probably elaborate a little bit

I have been told getting it out is a good thing to do. I miscarried what was to be my second baby in January. I thought I was 11 and a half weeks along but when the midwife couldn't get a heartbeat she had me go for an ultrasound and we found out the baby had passed away at 9 weeks but my body was holding on to the baby. The midwife wouldn't do a D & C so I had to use these pills that basically make you dilate and pass the baby, it was horrible. I didn't go through labor with Lexxie because I had a c-section due to my heart problem, so I had no idea how bad it was going to hurt psychically. The emotional pain ran much deeper though. I was so excited to be pregnant, to have a sibling for Lexx and we wanted our baby. I am still so sad, hurt and mad. This should not have happened, it just shouldn't have. I saw the baby on two different occasions on the ultrasound and everything was fine. Just the other day would have been my babies due date and it was really hard, I had plans, hopes and dreams for the baby and none of it will happen. I just want to know at what point will I start feeling better? Of course the pain has dulled a bit but there are constant reminders...pregnant women, newborn babies, etc. It just hurts so bad still.
I am so thankful for Lexxie, she truely is my heart and soul. I don't know what I would do without my sweet girl.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Feeling sad....

I am just having one of those times where all I seem to think about is the bad things that have happened. I really think that we have experienced more loss, heartache, hard times and rough patches than anyone should at one time. I know things have to get better, they have to right?? Well, I have thought that many times things were starting to look up....and then low and behold NOPE they don't.
Of course the light in my life is Lexxie, she is my heart and soul. I love her so much. We are so lucky to have such a smart, beautiful and fun girl.
School keeps me busy too, I love it. In about a month I will have 24 units complete! It's going by quick and I am SO GLAD.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Lexxie's Birth Story

**I wrote this actually on Nov. 8th, 2007**

Lexxie is asleep and I have a little time to finally write the birth story. I had a cardiologist appointment on Wed. the 24th and I was in an irregular rhythm with my heart rate around 150-160, and my cardiologist decided that since I was over 38 weeks (full term) that it was time to do the c-section, so I was admitted to the hospital that night. It was not a restful night no matter how much Justin and I tried to sleep we couldn't and maybe got a half hour or so…morning came quickly and I was being prepped for surgery. They took me into the OR at about 7:35am and I was given a spinal, so I couldn't feel pain. It was cold and scary in there, but I had a whole team around me; my OB, another OB from her office, the anesthesiologist, my cardiologist and several nurses. Finally I was ready and Justin was brought in, and immediately they started the surgery, a little gross….but I could actually smell them burning through my muscles and tendons….SICK! Her head was out and the OB said we have lots of dark hair…I was shocked, I though for sure we had a baldy, LOL. She was born at 8:03am. I heard her cry and she was brought over to me and I got to give her a kiss…she was perfect. Justin followed her to my recovery room, where they were going to bathe her, weigh, measure her and all that good stuff. I remained in surgery getting stitched and stapled up. I was brought into recovery…my heartbeat had returned somewhat to normal by this time. I was there for about 2 hours and got to nurse her. I was brought into a regular room where they did an echo-cardiogram on my heart, basically an ultrasound of the heart. We had some visitors and all was well. Everything was going perfect until I got my night nurse. She was a little rough around the edges and my heart rate was high and she called the Intensive Care Unit and asked them to come down and monitor me. So 3 nurses arrived and decided it would be "BEST" for me to be brought up to the ICU, without my baby of course….I started to cry and felt like I was being made to do something that I didn't want to do. I have had this heart problem for over 5 years now and I know that my heart does this sometimes. Justin stayed with the baby and I called my mom to come down and stay with me in the ICU. Well, the night nurse was just telling Justin to put the baby in the nursery, something I DID NOT want to do…..she already had to take formula, something I DID NOT want to do either because I thought it would confuse her. So Justin called my phone and said him and my mom should switch because he thought this nurse was aching to start something with him. So Justin slept on the floor in the ICU and my mom stayed up with Lexx. The next day all I did was ask every single person that came in to my room when I would be able to go back down to be with my baby. They kept giving me the run around and it was pissing me off, I don't even think they called my cardiologist until hours later. Finally my cardiologist got there and she said I could go down to be with my baby, I was thrilled. It was like I calmed down and was happy again. So I stayed 2 more nights in the postpartum unit, my nurses were all super nice. My family came everyday, of course to see us. So then on Sunday I got discharged at about noon and we came home. I was SOOOOOOOOO happy to be home! I missed all my stuff at home. My mom is staying here and will be here until Friday and is helping me with everything, its been so great, I don't know what I'd do without her. In the beginning I was super sore and everything but I am getting better everyday. My heart rate is now down lower than its ever been, its between 43-60ish…which is strange because that is no where near where its ever been…makes no sense. My blood pressure is a little high, but I guess that is to be expected with the everything that my body went through.

Here are a couple pictures from right after she was born:


Thursday, June 11, 2009

First post

So, I am new to the blogging world but have been an avid follower of many blogs for awhile. I figured why not start one too.